Bon Voyage

Eben Haezer

Dear Maran,

  I still remember our simple T-shirt and grey skirt we used to have when we were in high school. We were so young, so naive, so fragile and we created the bond of friendship to survive. The world of teenager was never easy, wasn’t it? But the memory of our old times still one of the best place to escape from the harness of adolescent world. At many times, I find myself laughing over our stupidity, our ego and our youthfulness. It was the place where we were free to make  mistakes, to act silly, to be proud and to boast. When our world was so plain, we created a beautiful ship called , friendship.

  Ten years and I’m still counting. Too many beautiful memories that I’m afraid my limited brain will never be enough to capture them one by one.   Yes, I know. To sail with…

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2012 in review | Thanks to WordPress! It’s so encouraging ^^

The stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

4,329 films were submitted to the 2012 Cannes Film Festival. This blog had 15,000 views in 2012. If each view were a film, this blog would power 3 Film Festivals

Click here to see the complete report.

two thousand and twelve

start contract with this media. suddenly journalism all over again. learn that so many things to learn. made new friends with “perjuangan” label on it. almost leave but didnt have the courage to leave.

long distance relationship again and again. boyfriend moved to makassar. i’m staying. too many wonderful things between us, yet disapointment, fights, and almost-breaking up never stop haunted us.

my brother got married. I introduced the wife to him last year, remember? they got pregnant two months ago. I’m soon to be a “bou”.

daddy’s got better after my brother got married. but God loved him so much He ended his pain. daddy went to heaven. I have this huge hole inside my heart somehow.

faith level is decreasing. absolutely my faults. God keep saying He’s not done with me. and here I am.

Demi Lajang dan Menikah sama-sama Bahagia

Sebetulnya, kurang komprehensif kalau saya menulis artikel ini, karena saya cuma merasakan bagaimana jadi lajang. Saya tidak tahu rasanya menikah sampai sekarang. Tapi, ada satu artikel yang menarik hati dan logika saya. Kalau mau baca lengkapnya di sini. Dan saya berharap, saya masih berpikiran yang sama dengan penulis artikel itu ketika saya menikah nanti. (JANGAN TANYA KAPAN! Hahahaa)

Jadi, dari artikel itu saya menemukan istilah baru. Smug married people. Ouch. Seem like some people I know. Iya, menurut saya, ada beberapa orang yang begitu bangganya menikah sehingga mereka merasa mereka lebih hebat dan lebih bahagia daripada para lajang. To be happy is something and to brag about it is another thing. Padahal, argumen mereka cuma satu: sudah menikah. *terdengar teriakan SOWHATGITULOH dari kejauhan*

Married vs Single

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My father passed away two weeks ago.

I still can remember the look of my friend when she told me about that in the midnight. And I remember I felt so really sad but weirdly relieve. My dad has been sick for six years. (Tho all of our neighbours always said he seemed like a healty old man.)

And from that time, my thought and pray always go to my mom. I know she’s the one who feel really lost. Since, she lived with my dad for more than thirty years. It must be hard for her to let him go. Even though my mom looks though and all, I know deep inside it’s not gonna be easy for her to live without my dad. Because I know it’s not for me.

Sometimes at night, when I close my eyes and get ready to sleep, I cried my eyes out. I just missing him so much. The memories of him being a very good dad and my best friend make me feel so sad cause I cant have him as a dad and best friend anymore.

But this is the most sad feeling on why I cry when I remember him: from the moment he stop breathing, he won’t recognize me anymore. And vice-versa. Oh gosh, it’s killing me.

He used to tell me that there’s is no ghost because all dead people won’t recognize the living ones: the family and friends. They belong to another world.

My father belongs to another world right now. Even tho it’s killing me, I know I have to let him go. Because, may it sound cliche, but if God decided that he’s not belong in this cruel and sick world, who am I to say that God is wrong?

So, rest in peace, dad.. My hero, first love, and sometimes partner in crime. I love you and will save all your love for our family.

the coffin








the One who Being Left…

…is me. Yeah. I’m in mourning period. This is because two of my office mates are gonna leave the country for taking their master degree. And two of my ‘sisters’ are gonna leave kosan. One is because she’s getting married. And another one is because she has to work in Kalimantan.

People always leave

Oh gosh, this is so sad. I’m still wondering, why am I the one who being left? Why the people I love and I like so much has to leave me? Is this some kind of curse or what? Because honestly I dont really make good friends in Jakarta. Most of my best friends live outside Jakarta. Hell, my boyfriend left for Makassar. And now those who are still live here have to go? Me hates it.

And then the good Lord tell me this (via Henri Nouwen):

Every time we make the decision to love someone, we open ourselves to great suffering, because those we most love cause us not only great joy but also great pain.   The greatest pain comes from leaving.  When the child leaves home, when the husband or wife leaves for a long period of time or for good, when the beloved friend departs to another country or dies … the pain of the leaving can tear us apart.  

Still, if we want to avoid the suffering of leaving, we will never experience the joy of loving.  And love is stronger than fear, life stronger than death, hope stronger than despair.  We have to trust that the risk of loving is always worth taking.


Guess I have to remind myself many times, that loving (someone) means hurting (myself).





*picture credit